How to make time for pleasure

Sex often changes during different life phases, and especially after becoming a parent, but you and your partner(s) can still make time for pleasure.

We all know it takes s-e-x to make a baby, but when that infant is earth side, crying, demanding and growing, it can be hard to find time for the fun acts that brought them along. According to a survey by Leesa, parents experience a 47% decrease in sexual frequency. Even more, many agree that sex actually becomes less enjoyable: 47% of women said that the quality of sex worsened, and 43% of men agreed.

Babies wailing and children whining aside, our biology changes during different life phases and especially after having a baby. After giving birth, people with vaginas experience a dip in estrogen, which can lead to low sex drive and vaginal dryness. Similarly, people with penises experience a drop of testosterone of around one-third. 

If you’re a busy parent or struggling to make time for pleasure with or without a child, here’s how to build your sex drive and make space for sensual activities.

Enjoy solo sex

To make time for pleasure, you have to want it. And it's sometimes easier to boost your sex drive on your own, without the pressure of performing or satisfying someone else. During your alone time, whether that’s during a shower or that moment when the baby is asleep and your partner(s) isn't home, take out your favorite intimate products and enjoy yourself. 

If vaginal dryness makes even touching yourself uncomfortable or painful, introduce a pleasure oil. Pleasure oils, like Bloomi’s Desire or Luxe Arousal Oil, work to heighten sensitivity in the genital area, enhancing lubrication and making touch pleasurable. Adding a water-based lubricant, like Smooth, could also moisturize and lubricate your genital area to enhance the ease and comfort of intimate activity and supplement the body's natural lubrication. 

Finally, consider adding new sex toys to your collection to alleviate some of the work on your already tired hands and arms. 

Schedule partnered sex

There's this myth that planning sex is unromantic or a sign of a troubled relationship. Neither is true. In fact, scheduling sex in the calendar comes with several sexologist-approved benefits. Knowing that you are coming home to intimacy builds anticipation and desire. Even more, it creates the perfect environment to communicate what you want and try out new things.

Schedule in time to explore new positions and toys, fantasies, fetishes, role-play, or bringing in a third. Also, sex and relationship therapists agree that scheduling in sex can actually improve the likelihood of impromptu fun over time because you maintain your sexual momentum.

Engage in foreplay

If you and your partner(s) work long days, take moments throughout the nine-to-five to tease each other. From sexting, to naughty photos, to tantalizing voice messages, remind each other of that really fun time in the bedroom or tell them what you want to do next. This virtual foreplay will be the distraction you and your partner(s) need while building up excitement as well as a playbook for post-work sex.

Budget for a babysitter

If you have determined that sex is a necessity to maintain your personal and your relationship’s wellbeing, then treat it like other basic needs: invest in it by adding it to your budget. Allocate money for a weekly babysitter. Additionally, purchase the gadgets you need (from door locks to monitors) to ease worried minds or fears (like your child walking in on you).