How to initiate sex like a bad b*tch

This piece was written by Bloomi contributor Portia Brown.

Having sex is fun, but initiating sex can sometimes feel like a challenge. It's easy to avoid making the first move, even if you are thinking “I want to have sex!”  because it can be awkward, or maybe you're unsure how to get your partner in the mood. And then, of course, there's the fear of rejection! What if they say no? Why can’t sex happen spontaneously?

We all know that sex rarely "just happens." Someone has to be brave enough to get things going — and in long-term relationships, if one partner is consistently responsible for initiating sex, it can sometimes lead to resentment — so knowing how to initiate sex with bad bitch confidence is a must.

Luckily, there are countless fun and exciting ways to get things started, and choosing what you're most comfortable with will give you the most confidence.

To equip yourself with tools and strategies for initiating when the mood strikes, keep reading, below.

6 ways to make the first move with the most confidence

1. Facing fears

One of the biggest obstacles to initiating sex confidently is the fear of rejection. Until you address this fear, it’s hard to move forward. We all know there's always a chance that our partner won't be in the mood when we are. The solution? Talk to your partner about how you want to handle these moments.

For example, if they aren’t in the mood because they have a work call in 20 minutes, maybe sex can happen after the meeting. Or, if they're not feeling up for sex but would enjoy cuddling and making out, that could be an option. This way, the answer isn’t a hard “no” but more like “maybe later” or “let’s cuddle instead.”

2. Hold the "sexy," keep the SEX

This might sound counterintuitive, but initiating sex doesn’t always have to be sexy. We often feel like making the first move needs to be a big production, centered around seduction. Sure, there's a time and place for the trench coat and lingerie, but more often than not, your partner just wants to feel desired.

That desire can be communicated with simple words like, “Can you be in the mood for sex?” or “Are you down for some fun?” Take the pressure off of yourself.

Save the dirty talk for when things are actually heating up and keep your hands to yourself—for now.

Now, while initiating doesn’t have to be sexy, a little drama or spice never hurts. If that’s your style, try one of the following ideas to get things going.

3. Be a digital dynamo

If initiating sex face-to-face feels intimidating, turn to your phone! Remember sexting? It’s often something we do early in relationships when the spark is high. Sending a sexy message (or a voice memo if you're feeling bold) can be a way to gauge your partner's interest.

Even a series of emojis can create sexual tension if played the right way. You could send a playful calendar invite with a code word you both recognize as a cue for intimacy. If you trust your partner, sharing a suggestive photo with a simple text can really get them excited. Something like, “Can’t wait to see you tonight 😘” is simple yet effective.

4. Set the scene

Let your actions do the talking by creating a serene environment for you and your partner. Engage all five senses: light your favorite incense to stimulate your sense of smell, lower the lights, and burn a candle for ambiance. Pour a glass of wine or tea to ignite your taste buds. Play your favorite playlist, and of course, have your go-to toys ready for when things heat up.

Once your space is set, guide your lover in and let the mood build naturally.

5. Put it on the calendar

Scheduling sex is often controversial, but let’s face it—nothing important in life happens without setting time aside. At the same time, scheduling sex can create pressure. So, here’s my suggestion: designate an hour each week for intimate time with your partner.

This could range from cuddling and kissing to back rubs with massage oils and deep conversations. It might also be an opportunity to try something new, like playing with restraints, or simply a chance to explore each other, which may naturally lead to sex. The key is to talk to your partner about a time of day they feel most open to intimacy, find something that works for both of you, and be consistent. And remember, you can still be spontaneous and intimate outside of that scheduled time!

6. Add to cart

Want to build anticipation? Go shopping for sex toys or lingerie together—it’s a guaranteed way to spark excitement. You can even do it online while cuddling on the couch. As you browse, talk about how and when you’d like to use your new goodies. This creates an easy, fun way to discuss fantasies and open up intimate conversations. And when your new sexcessories arrive, both of you will be eagerly anticipating what’s to come!

Initiating sex doesn't have to be daunting or overly complicated. Whether you go for a straightforward approach or add a bit of spice, the key is to find what helps you align with your inner baddie. By using open communication, setting the mood, and even getting creative with technology, you can break down the barriers that often make initiating sex feel awkward.

Remember, building a healthy, balanced, and exciting sex life takes effort from both partners. So be bold, be confident, and most importantly, have fun exploring new ways to connect intimately.