How to have a truly mind-blowing orgasm — no matter where you are on the gender spectrum
Between 5-10% of women have never orgasmed before but tend to learn how to do it later in life. According to sex researchers, the human body can experience at least 24 types of orgasms.
While we at Bloomi encourage folk to orgasm as much as they want, we also want to remind readers that orgasms aren't always the end goal of a sexual experience — unless you want it to be. Ahead we explore different types of orgasms along with tips and tools to motivate you to explore how to have an orgasm by yourself or with a partner.
What happens to our bodies when we orgasm?
There is a surge of feel-good hormones and brain chemicals, like dopamine and oxytocin, that are released during orgasm, which is why we just can't get enough of them. Certain areas of our bodies swell and become more sensitive due to an increase in blood circulation.
When aroused, the penis, vulva, vagina, and breasts all expand in size. In fact, breasts can grow up to 25%. Due to blood circulation, the vulva becomes engorged, and the vagina also expands, making penetration more pleasurable.
The Orgasm gap: The differences between genders and sexual orientations
According to multiple surveys and studies, cis queer women who have sex with other cis queer women report higher levels of satisfaction than cis straight women.
Our perceptions of sex are heavily influenced by mainstream media, pornography, and the messages we received in our youth. Many cis-straight women view penetrative sex as "real sex" and consider other forms of pleasure as foreplay. But this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, penetrative sex alone doesn't always end in orgasm for all parties involved.
As such, it's worth taking the time to examine our own definitions of sex and rewrite the script to better fit our bodies and how they experience pleasure. Queer women understand this and often introduce and center, non-penetrative activities in the bedroom. Sex can be whatever you want it to be; so long as it's consensual and pleasurable all throughout, have at it.
Also, queer couples are more likely to reach orgasm because they tend to focus on oral sex more frequently than heterosexual couples, who often rely on penetrative sex despite the fact that many people with vulvas can't orgasm from penetration alone.
It's important to note one distinct difference found between queer women and straight women that might be a contributing factor in the orgasm gap is that straight women may not expect to have an orgasm during sex, while queer couples do.
Another thing that might be contributing to an orgasm gap is the length of the sexual act. According to a 2014 survey, 822 participants between the ages of 18 and 79 were asked about the duration of their sexual encounters. Results reveal that women who had sex with women had sexual encounters that lasted between 30 to 45 minutes.
In comparison, heterosexual couples had sex for an average of 15 to 30 minutes. This isn't to say that women are more likely to orgasm the longer the sex lasts. What matters is taking the time to listen to your partner's needs and putting in the effort to fulfill them.
Your guide to all things orgasms
When learning how to have an orgasm, a good place to start is to understand the different types of orgasms you can achieve and what sort of stimulation helps to achieve them.
6 orgasms vulva-owners can have
Vaginal orgasm: Vaginal orgasms occur from penetrative stimulation of various pleasure spots inside the vaginal canal. There are multiple pleasure spots that can be stimulated, like G-spot, A-spot, and C-spot. But it's hard to pinpoint one particular spot that brings you to a vaginal orgasm. Instead, in most cases, it's a combination of different pleasure zone stimulation. Bloomi's Indulge is the perfect sex toy for G-spot orgasms.
Clitoral orgasm: This happens from continuous stimulation of the clitoris, a little bundle of sensitive nerves at the top of the vulva. It swells and enlarges and becomes more sensitive as the person gets sexually aroused. And it's one of the easiest ways for vulva owners to reach an orgasm. In fact, most vulva owners need some sort of clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. Bloomi's Play Mini and Massage is perfect for that.
Anal orgasm: Yes, you can orgasm from anal sex. It happens when the pleasure spots that are on the wall between the vagina and rectum are stimulated during anal sex. To increase the chances of experiencing an orgasm during anal sex, incorporate clitoral stimulation.
Nipple orgasm: Small studies are showing that some people are able to have an orgasm from the stimulation of non-genital body parts like nipples and breasts. It happens because stimulating nipples increases the blood flow to the genitals, and it releases oxytocin which induces uterine and vaginal contractions.
Core orgasm: Some folks report having an orgasm from abdominal-focused exercises. During an ab-workout, the same muscles are activated as during sex, which leads to an increased blood flow to the genitals, which then can lead to a release of sexual tension.
Blended orgasms: Blended orgasms happen when multiple internal and external pleasure spots are stimulated all at once. You can get creative with your hands, your partner's hands, a sex toy, or all of the above. If you have a clitoris, have your partner perform oral sex on you while either using a curved toy like Bloomis Indulge or finger(s) to gently penetrate you.
Different types of penis-owner orgasms
Penis orgasms: Penis orgasms are the most common among heterosexual men. Penis orgasm can happen during penetrative vaginal or anal sex, oral sex, and other types of penis stimulation, either with toys or hands. On average, it takes penis owners 5 minutes to orgasm during penetrative sex.
Prostate orgasms: The prostate (AKA the P-spot) is a small gland inside the rectum that people who are assigned male gender at birth have. It's a pleasure spot often compared to the G-spot in vulva owners. You can stimulate the prostate internally with a penis, fingers, or a toy like Bloomi's Indulge, and that can lead to an orgasm. People who have experienced prostate orgasm define it as deeper, more full-body than penis orgasm.
Blended orgasms: Penis owners are also able to experience blended orgasms. Using a vibrator like Bloomi's Indulge to stimulate the prostate simultaneously with a penis during solo or partnered sex. Some say that blended orgasms also feel more intense than penile stimulation on their own.
What are multiple orgasms and what do they feel like?
This is a series of orgasms over a short period of time rather than a single one that you build up to. While all anatomies can have multiple orgasms, people with clitorises are more likely to experience them due to shorter refractory periods between orgasms.
To experience multiple orgasms, start with positive thinking. We limit ourselves and our ability to experience pleasure when we've internalized the fact that we don't deserve it. Remember, our brains are so powerful that they can impact our genitals.
So, the next time you think, "I'm taking too long" or "I'm not gonna come," try replacing those negative thoughts with, "I am capable of experiencing as much pleasure as I want" or "I can have as many orgasms as I want."
Can penis owners also achieve multiple orgasms, too? Yes! Stimulating the prostate at the same time as the penis during sex can lead to multiple orgasms for penis owners.
The best sex positions for an orgasm — truly
If you want to figure out how to have an orgasm with a partner or solo, it's worth experimenting with different positions and angles to find the right one for optimal pleasure.
For partnered sex
Cowgirl: The Cowgirl position gives a lot of control to vulva owners. You can decide the speed, movement, depth, and angle, which can help you find the best stimulation to achieve an orgasm during partnered sex.
To get into this position, allow your partner to lie down on their back or sit on a comfortable surface like a sofa. Facing them, straddle their body and find the right angle for penetration. Experiment with different variations of movement – kneeling or squatting. Also, use the wall or your partner's body for support.
Reverse Cowgirl: Reverse Cowgirl is also another sex position that's great to help you achieve an orgasm. In this position, you will be on top, but instead of facing your partner, you'll have your back toward them.
Doggy: Doggy allows for a deeper penetration angle during sex, which can help hit not only the G-spot but also the spots deeper inside the vaginal canal, like A-spot and C-spot.
To get into this position, get on your knees. Your partner will stand behind you during penetration. You can easily adjust the angle of penetration by shifting downwards and getting on your elbows or using the wall in front of you for support.
Missionary: Missionary is a great sex position to achieve an orgasm for a few reasons – it's very intimate and offers a lot of skin-on-skin contact that can add to overall arousal, which leads to increased chances of getting an orgasm, and it offers clitoral stimulation, which is needed for over 80% of women to achieve an orgasm during penetrative sex.
For solo sex
If you're flying solo, you might want to try these sex positions to achieve an intense orgasm:
On your back: It's one of the most common masturbation positions and the most versatile. When you're laying on your back, you have great access to your whole body and erogenous zones like breasts, nipples, inner thighs, and more. You can also focus on dual stimulation at the same time, which can lead to intense blended orgasms.
To experiment with different depths, if you're using a penetrative toy like Indulge, we recommend placing a pillow underneath your lower back to elevate your hips and allow for deeper penetration.
On your stomach: When you lay down on your stomach, you can use your hand or a toy (like a vibrating wand or Bloomi's Play Mini) or an object like a pillow to grind against until you reach an orgasm. Also, the sensation of nipples and inner thighs touching against the sheets if you're naked adds extra stimulation, which can increase arousal levels.
Against the wall: If you prefer to explore solo pleasure in a bathroom, using a showerhead or your finger or toys, then leaning against the wall for support is the best option. You can stand with your back against the wall and lift one leg up and set it on the edge of the bath to allow for easy access to all of your intimate areas.
On the other hand, if you want extra stimulation, lean against the wall facing it. The coolness from the tiles will add a pleasant sensation to the nipples, which can be a way to increase arousal.
All bodies experience orgasms differently
Remember: An orgasm is an individual experience that doesn't have one singular definition. Our advice? Stop comparing yourself to other people's sexual experiences or existing concepts of what orgasms should look and feel like. Your pleasure is yours, and only you get to define it.
