How to get your partner in the mood
If you’re in the mood for sex but your partner isn’t, here are some tips that might help you both.
Let’s set the scene: It’s 6:30 p.m. and you and your partner are back from a long day of work, getting dinner ready and helping the little ones with homework. You’ve been in the mood all day, but your exhausted boo thing just isn’t. You get it: the stress of deadlines, bills and children whining doesn’t really set anyone up for sexy time. You have two options: enjoy some solo sex by masturbating in the shower or try to get your partner on your level (respecting their decision if the answer is still “no,” of course).
Here’s the thing: It’s not always easy to get turned on and feel sexy, but there are steps you can take to help get your partner in the mood.
Help them to relax.
One of the most common reasons people don't feel sexual fireworks is simply because stress is occupying their headspace. While you can’t solve anyone’s life problems in one evening (nor should you try), you can help your partner unwind. Consider taking on some of their chores that evening and running them a warm bath for them to enjoy instead. You can tap into their senses even more by turning the lights off, igniting a scented candle and playing some soft music that might help them to relax.
Treat them with a full-body massage.
Treating your partner with a massage is another way to help them reduce stress and anxiety, and it can also boost intimacy. That's because touch can deepen physical, energetic and emotional relationships. All you need is your partner and some massage oil or serum. Bloomi's Luxe Massage Oil is formulated with organic, full-spectrum hemp extract to help relax the body and soothe sore muscles. Even more, its custom blend of plant-based aphrodisiacs will arouse both your and your partner's senses.
While you’re giving the massage (here’s how!), use the activity as a way to initiate conversation. Ask questions like, “is this OK here,” “do you want more or less pressure,” “how does this feel” or “where would you like me to touch you next.”
Initiate sexual conversation.
On that, communication is key. Your partner might not even know you are interested in having sex. Be clear. Whether you are texting them all the things you want to do to them (and the sexy things you want them to do to you) throughout the day or whispering it in their ear during the massage, let them know that you want to get intimate and are waiting for them to give you the greenlight.
Entice the senses.
With Bloomi's aphrodisiacal Luxe Massage Oil, you can entice multiple senses: touch, taste and scent. Now give your partner something their eyes can’t resist. Has your partner told you they love the way you look in a certain outfit? Now is the time to put it on. If not, go for a sexy ensemble; this could be something that's form-fitting or skin-baring — whatever you're comfortable with. And if it's bedtime, take out that silky lingerie that still has the price tag attached to it and put it to use.
Listen to them.
Consent is sexy — and it’s also mandatory. If you pulled out all your moves and your partner still isn’t in the mood, that’s OK. Try not to internalize their decision to prioritize rest over sex. Instead, try to relate to them. It’s very likely that you, too, have been too stressed, tired or busy for sexual intimacy. Instead of getting angry or feeling bad about yourself, take that pent-up energy and release it by taking all these steps to seduce yourself during an exhilarating masturbation session.
Final thoughts
If you’re in the mood, but your partner isn’t, try to understand why. If you’re able to, try to remove some of those obstructions and instead create an environment where they can feel relaxed and, hopefully, aroused. Our holy grail: Bloomi's Luxe Massage Oil, which has a clean, organic formula with a luxurious slip, relaxing aroma and natural aphrodisiacs. If your partner still doesn’t want to get intimate, accept that no means no and that they have reasons that are totally valid. Then create pleasure for yourself and by yourself.