8 ways to explore (and love) anal sex as a beginner
When it comes to learning how to prepare for anal sex, it's natural to feel overwhelmed as a newbie (or someone who’s felt vanilla in the past but wants to explore now!) What lube should you use? What are the best practices? Is it supposed to feel that way? Having pleasurable (and safe) anal sex is completely possible — with a little help from Bloomi!
According to the CDC, it’s reported that 35.9 percent of women and 42.3 percent of men has ever had anal sex. But that seemingly high gap to 100 percent doesn’t mean that folks who haven’t tried it aren’t interested at all.
Lots of folks are, they just don’t know how to go about it. If you (or your partner) is curious about exploring anal sex for the first time, here is everything you want to know about how to prepare for anal sex and have a great first experience.
What is anal sex?
Anal sex is a sexual act that happens between two or more consenting adults that involves penetration of the anus. Penetration doesn't have to happen with the penis only – you can use a finger, tongue, or a variety of sex toys. People identifying as any gender and sexual orientation can have and enjoy anal sex.
What does anal sex feel like?
Would it surprise you if we said that anal sex will feel different for everyone? One common thing, though, is that many people report is anal orgasm feels deeper than other types of orgasms. The way cis-women and cis-men experience anal pleasure will vary due to the anatomy.
Cis-men have a pleasure spot that feels amazing when stimulated during anal sex. The p-spot (AKA the prostate) is located internally below the bladder, in front of the rectum. The prostate's main function is to produce the fluid that nourishes and helps transport semen. Many penis owners overlook this area and mainly focus on penis stimulation. However, prostate stimulation can increase orgasm by 33 percent.
While cis-women don't have a prostate, anal sex can still feel great, and they can experience anal orgasms. The wall between the anus and the vagina is thin. So, when the penis or a toy penetrates the anus during anal sex, different vagina pleasure zones are stimulated.
How to prepare for anal sex
Taking the time to properly prepare for anal sex the first time can make a massive difference in your experience. Here are some of the key things you want to consider:
1. Communication is key
You'll want to take time to discuss anal play you're interested in, curious about, or are totally against. Tell your partner(s) what is on and off the table for that experience. Just because you agree to a specific activity this time does not mean it's an automatic yes in the future.
Setting boundaries beforehand will create a safe environment that is respectful and consensual every time. This includes deciding which positions you're open to, disclosing your sexual history, or trying a new anal toy. Doing this should help you enter the experience feeling comfortable and excited.
2. Light or deep clean
Ensuring bowel movement about 30 to 60 minutes before playtime and doing some basic external cleaning will help you have a fun session. We recommend showering before playtime and rinsing your anus with warm water. If you'd also like to cleanse with soap, a gentle and unscented wash — like Bloomi's Cleanse Intimate Skin Foaming Wash — is best because it won't strip the anus of its natural fluids.
Some people prefer an anal rinse before engaging in anal play. If a deeper cleanse feels like a better option for you, we suggest using a reusable anal douche bulb. Here are the steps to take:
Rinse out the bulb with wrist-temperature water.
Attach your nozzle of choice. Tip: the bigger the nozzle, the quicker the rinse-out is.
Lubricate the nozzle before insertion. This will help with discomfort or pain. Bloomi's water-based lubricant will work well.
Experiment to find the best position for you. This will take practice, but you can try inserting the bulb by lying on your back, sitting on the toilet, or standing.
3. Be generous with the lube
As with most types of sex, anal feels much better with lubrication. Since your anus doesn't create its own lubricant, it's important to use enough lube to avoid tearing and enhance pleasure. Apply a generous amount of lube in between the cheeks, on the rim of the anus (allow some to enter the canal using the tips of your fingers), and on the object you'll be using to penetrate.
Silicone lubricants are ideal for anal play because they have a great slip and don't dry out as quickly as water- or oil-based lubricants do. However, silicone lubricant is not compatible with silicone toys.
As such, if you're planning to use any toys from your nightstand collection, stick with a water-based lubricant. And remember, don't be afraid to reapply as often as you need. We recommend a water-based or aloe vera-based lubricant, as they are latex and silicone compatible.
4. Consider the barrier method
Even if you're in a fluid-bonded relationship (don't typically wear barrier protection, like a condom) or using a penis-shaped toy, you may want to consider using a barrier method.
The barrier can make it easy to glide during penetration, prevent bacteria from spreading, and makes for easier cleanup. If you aren't fluid-bonded, it is even more important to use a barrier method because STIs are more likely to transmit via anal sex. Remember to always change the condom if you plan on moving from anal to the vagina or oral sex.
5. Try with toys or a finger first
Begin with small introductions (like a finger or small anal plug) for the first-time anal sex to accustom the receiver to the sensations. Make sure that whatever you insert has a solid base, like Fun Factory's Bootie Anal Plug and Prostate Massager. Otherwise, an object can get stuck inside of you.
6. No "double-dipping"
Make sure that toys that are being inserted into the anus are cleaned or covered with a condom. If inserting with fingers, gloves are a great option to not only keep your fingers clean but also allow for smoother insertion.
Don't go from butt to genitals without cleaning up! If you plan to switch to genital play after anal sex, make sure to thoroughly wash your fingers, hands, and/or toys to avoid potential infections like UTIs or yeast infections.
7. Check in frequently and go slow
Frequent check-ins are sexy and will make the experience more pleasurable and safe. Ask your partner(s) questions like, "Are you enjoying this?" and "Is this comfortable?"
It's OK to take a pause and try again in a new position or at a different pace. You want to make sure the receiver is comfortable throughout the entire experience. Be patient. While anal sex may feel different, you should never be in agony. If you're in pain, be sure you speak up and stop. Slow and fluid thrusts help accustom people to the stimulation and prevent tearing.
The penetrator and receiver should be prepared and mature in case things get a little messy. As the person who is penetrating, if there happens to be residue, always reassure your partner(s) and check in to see if they need to take a break or want to keep going.
8. Show other areas some love too
Many report feeling deeper and stronger orgasms during anal penetration. However, a receiver can only reach this if they're relaxed and stimulated. Stimulating other intimate areas, like the clitoris, nipples, and penis, may help. It's arousing and helps expand muscles for an enhanced anal play experience.
For folk interested in prostate (located about two inches inside the rectum) stimulation, consider internal and external play. Pleasure toys like Lelo's Hugo and Bloomi's Indulge are all great options for exploring p-spot internal and external stimulation.
Best anal sex positions
Finding the right sex position for first-time anal sex can take some time. So be patient with yourself and your partner. Here are a few best positions for anal sex worth experimenting with:
Spoon
The receiving partner lays down on their side, with their legs bent a little at their knees. They can have a pillow to rest their head, or they can lift their upper body up on their elbows if that's more comfortable. The giving partner lies on their side behind them and penetrates the receiving partner.
Doggy
The classing anal sex position. The receiving partner gets on all fours, with the giving partner penetrating them from behind. To change the depth of the penetration, the receiving partner can get on their elbows, deepening the angle. Or, the receiving partner can use the wall for support, making the penetration angle shallower.
Reverse missionary
The receiving partner lays on their stomach, their legs straight. Place a pillow under the receiving partner's hips if that feels more comfortable for both partners. The giving partner lays on top of the receiving partner, penetrating them from behind.
Lap dance
This is the best anal sex position if the receiving partner wants to be in control. The giving partner sits down on a chair, sofa, or the side of the bed. The receiving partner is on top, sitting on the giving partner's lap with their back to their partner. It allows the receiving partner to control the movements, speed, and depth of penetration.
Best anal sex toys
If you're curious about exploring anal sex further, consider adding one or more toys to the mix to bring in new sensations.
Anal beads
Anal beads are one of the best anal sex toys for beginners. b-Vibe's Triplet Anal Beads are made from high-quality silicone and have three tapered flexible vibrating beads with two motors. It has six vibration levels and 15 vibration patterns to experiment with for the most pleasurable experience.
Butt plug
Anal plugs are fun because they are inserted in the anus, allowing you to move and stimulate other areas hands-free. Fun Factory's Bootie Anal Plug and Prostate Massager in size small is perfect for beginners. It's curved for anal and prostate play and has a flexible base.
Another option is the Bootie Anal Plug and C-Ring. It combines an anal plug with a stretchy silicone ring for enhanced pleasure. It also has a raised area that can massage the perineum (area between the anus and the scrotum) and rocks against the prostate during movement.
b-Vibe's Rimming Plug 2 is another great option offering a different kind of stimulation. It has a vibrating part that stimulates the P-spot internally when inserted. But it also mimics the sensation of rimming with the rotating beads at the base.
Prostate massager
Fun for partners or singles, Lelo's Hugo Anal Prostate Massager is a remote-controlled, thoughtfully designed prostate massager that offers new avenues of arousal and sexual satisfaction. With eight vibration settings and sensemotion technology, Hugo deeply massages the prostate while a secondary motor in the base stimulates the perineum.
Bloomi's Indulge Double-Sided Vibrator is another great prostate massager option. It's a powerful and flexible device with one vibrating and one non-vibrating side, shaped perfectly to help you reach and stimulate the P-spot during anal play with ease.
Best lubes for anal sex
Whether you're planning to slide in a finger or two, you're going to need some lube — and lots of it.
Oil-based lubes
Oil-based lubes are perfect for anal sex because they don't require often re-application during the act. Bloomi's Delight Oil-Based Personal Lubricant is a long-lasting lube with a clean formula that's designed to enhance the sensations and make things more enjoyable during intimate moments.
One important thing to note is that oil-based lubes are not compatible with latex, polyurethane, or polyisoprene condoms. Oil deteriorates the material over time, which increases the risk of the condom breaking.
Water-based lube
Water-based lubes are great for anal sex with a condom. Bloomi's Smooth Water-Based Personal Lubricant is a long-lasting lube with a clean formula that rehydrates sensitive tissues like the anus and is safe to use internally and externally, in case you want to use your mouth.
Be generous with how much lube you apply, and do reapply it constantly if it dries out for a better experience.
Dangers of anal sex
It's natural to have fears and anxiety before the first time anal sex. There is still a lot of stigma surrounding anal sex dangers. While anal sex is generally safe if communication and consent are involved in the activity, just like with all forms of sex, there are certain health risks involved.
A chance of infection
The lining of the rectum is much thinner than the lining inside the vagina. Also, the anus doesn't naturally produce lubrication as the vagina does. Due to these two factors, there is a slightly higher chance of micro-tears caused by friction inside your anus and rectum. These micro-tears have a higher chance of infection due to the stool that passes through the rectum and anus containing bacteria.
However, you can easily avoid micro-tears caused by friction during anal sex if you use plenty of lube, and make sure that you stop the act if there is pain or discomfort and take things slow.
STI risk
STI risk is high during sex if you don't wear protection. Due to the lack of natural lubrication and the lining of the rectum being thinner, there is a greater chance of skin tearing and spreading STIs.
The best way to minimize your risk of getting an STI during anal is to use a condom and plenty of lube. Always choose a lube that's latex-friendly, like water-based lubes.
Worsen hemorrhoids
Despite a common misconception, anal sex doesn't cause hemorrhoids. However, anal sex can further irritate the already existing hemorrhoids. The best way to avoid it if you still want to enjoy anal sex is to use plenty of lube which can help minimize the irritation.
Anal sex FAQs
Let's answer some of the most frequently asked questions people have about having first-time anal sex.
Is anal sex painful?
Anal sex shouldn't feel uncomfortable or painful. If you use a generous amount of lube, go slow, and relax your muscles, anal sex can be really enjoyable for everyone involved.
How to avoid making a mess during anal sex?
Most people have anxiety about the "mess" or possible fecal matter the first few times they try anal sex. If it makes you feel more comfortable, washing your anal canal (a few inches) with warm water and an anal douche is a safe way to cleanse beforehand.
Will anal sex make my butthole stretch?
Your anal sphincter, the muscle at the end of your anus, can slightly stretch with anal sex. However, Kegels, the exercises we do to strengthen our pelvic floor can also tone your sphincter.
Can I use an anal vibrator for vaginal masturbation?
In order to avoid fecal bacteria entering the vagina, don't use an anal toy vaginally (the reverse order is OK, however) to avoid the bacteria transfer. Anytime you use an anal toy, it's best to use one that's designed thoughtfully, with medical-grade silicone, and has a flared base to make retrieval safe.
Does anal sex count as sex?
Yes, it does. There are different kinds of sex - vaginal, oral, mutual, solo, and anal. All are forms of sex and can feel very good as long as there is communication, safety, and consent.
Can I get an STI from anal sex?
Yes. Anytime you are exchanging bodily fluids and/or rubbing intimate skin against each other, you can transmit STIs. With anal sex, bacteria and viruses can enter your bloodstream through micro-tears within your anal tissue. Condoms will help prevent STI transmission.
Can straight cis-men engage in anal sex?
Absolutely. There's a misconception that anal sex is only for queer men. However, according to a CDC study, nearly half of straight men have had anal sex.
Engaging in anal penetration doesn't alter your sexual orientation. There are many straight cis-men who enjoy giving and/or receiving anal sex. Some may also prefer anal play like rimming or touch around their anus but not necessarily penetration – that is great too.