How to get turned on, according to a sexologist
Good sex is linked to good arousal. In addition to using an arousal serum, here are more tips to help you get turned on.
We typically think that sex involves: desiring sex, becoming aroused, having sex, having an orgasm, and then feeling the euphoric “sex high” afterwards. Yet, it’s not always that straightforward and you may not feel “turned on” every time. This is because arousal and desire can be delayed or blocked.
The sexual response cycle is complex and can be somewhat different for each person, so it’s important to be in tune with your body. Below are a few reasons why you may feel your body is not responding positively (or “turned off”) to a partner or sexual experience, and what to do about it.
You may take a while to “heat up” and that’s OK
Arousal for individuals with penises is clear: an erection. For individuals with vulvas, it is not always as clear. When individuals with vulvas are sexually aroused blood circulation increases and the clitoris and vulva become engorged which causes vaginal wetness.
Although it is possible to feel some of these things happening, the average couple spends less than 12 minutes on foreplay while most vulva owners actually need closer to 20 minutes to be fully aroused. Don’t skip the foreplay — and yes this applies to solo sessions and masturbation as well.
You won’t always want to have sex. Here’s why.
There are several physical, psychological and social reasons why an individual may not want to have sex. Society sometimes shames us for not “being in the mood” or downplays the hormonal changes and difficulties that come with having a baby or working a high stress job, for example.
It is perfectly fine to not be in the mood to have sex, and you should never feel pressured to. When you do want to have sex however, and feel like you are unable to get turned on, here are a few other factors that may be lowering your libido:
Stress or fatigue
Fear of pregnancy or STIs
Birth control or other medications
Relationship problems
Depression or anxiety
Childbirth/postpartum
Trauma from past sexual experiences
Hormonal changes
Your partner’s sexual function
Each of these on their own warrants a deep dive, but you can see there is a lot that can negatively impact your sex drive. Even for a vulva owner who is aroused and wants to have sex, it’s possible to have difficulties getting wet. This can happen when taking certain medications (e.g. antidepressants, antihistamines and decongestants), being dehydrated from smoking or alcohol, or becoming menopausal.
How to get that good arousal
Having sex without feeling aroused can be painful and is not enjoyable, so consider spending more time on foreplay and incorporating more sexual stimuli to the mix: skin to skin, oral sex, body massages, reading erotica, taking a shower or bath, stimulating your inner thighs and genitals, or using other stimulation that you enjoy.
It’s also helpful to create your own collection of nightstand goodies (for solo or partnered sex) to use when you need that “boost” or simply want more slip. We created the Bloomi Arousal Serum for this reason. It’s a beautiful blend of botanical aphrodisiacs formulated to sexually arouse, increase wetness and heighten your sensations.
Bloomi Arousal Serum
Get wet and ready with the ultimate pleasure formula.