Handcuff sex: how to introduce restraint play into your sex life
Are you curious about trying handcuff sex? Well, know that you are definitely not alone, and it can be a super fun way to dip your toes into some light powerplay.
Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller found that BDSM-related fantasies of giving/taking control are the second most popular sexual fantasies Americans have. Powerplay can be a major turn-on, and if want to try it with your partner, but aren't sure where to start, read on.
Handcuff sex: a beginner's guide
How to introduce handcuff sex into your routine
Introducing the idea of having sex while wearing handcuffs to your partner might be a daunting task, but it is easier than you think. For the best experience, here are our tips:
Talk to your partner first
It might be tempting to surprise your partner with a pair of sexy handcuffs in the middle of sex. However, if you haven't discussed the idea before, and if your partner hasn't expressed interest in trying handcuffs during sex, it is best to bring up the idea in a conversation outside the bedroom.
This gives your partner enough space to decide whether it is something they are interested in trying, and they won't feel pressured into doing something they might not be ready for.
So, while you make dinner together, or on your weekly date night out in the town, gently bring up the idea of trying something new and exciting together. Once you do, ask your partner how they feel about the idea, and give them space and time to process it.
They might be super excited and want to try it immediately, or they might require some time to get comfortable with the idea. So, be patient.
Choose the right handcuffs
The next step in your adventure will be to choose the best pair of handcuffs to use. There are so many different types of handcuffs and restraints to choose from, it is very easy to get overwhelmed.
If you are new to restraint play, we recommend choosing silicone handcuffs or soft, padded ones. Bloomi's Link were designed with beginners in mind, and they are made with premium medical-grade silicone that fits everybody perfectly.
The reason why silicone handcuffs are perfect for beginners is because they won't leave marks if you accidentally tug against them in the heat of the moment. Also, they are super easy to put on and remove, which is useful if you are trying to figure out the best handcuff sex positions or would like to take them off yourself.
Plus, silicone is compatible with water-based lubricants and is easy to clean and store. With Link, you can even travel with them, because the handcuffs are foldable and super discreet.
Link Flexible Handcuffs
Link is a set of flexible handcuffs for restraint and bondage play. This easy-to-use kink accessory fits comfortably on your wrists and folds in half for compact travel.
Safety comes first
When it comes to any sort of BDSM play, safety and boundaries are the most important thing. So, before you have sex, discuss with your partner what activities are you both comfortable with engaging in and which activities are off the table.
Also, this is the time when you choose a safeword. A safe word is an easy-to-remember non-sex-related word that you can use during sex to pause or end activities. It can be anything, from the word Pineapple to Nevada.
If you don't want to use a safe word, then consider using a traffic light system to communicate throughout the experience. Instead of having one set word, you use the red/yellow/green to communicate how you feel:
Red means stopping any activities immediately.
Yellow means pausing any activities for the moment.
Green means that you are feeling good, and are happy to continue.
If you take on the roleplaying of the dominant and submissive partner, then the dominant partner should check in with their partner during various moments of sex to ensure they are feeling comfortable and happy.
Expand your definition of sex
When it comes to handcuff sex and other kinky activities, it's a good idea to go into it with an open mind and expand your definition of sex. Instead of thinking about how to handcuff your partner and have intercourse, consider taking this opportunity to explore different things.
For example, you might want to handcuff your partner and then use their favorite toys on them. Take it up a notch and bring them close to an orgasm, without allowing them to climax for a few times. This activity is called edging, or if kink is involved then orgasm control.
Or, while your partner is handcuffed, make them watch you pleasure yourself. It can be an exciting new experience and a different way to explore powerplay – they are unable to touch you or themselves, and can only watch.
Handcuff sex can be anything you want it to be. It is your opportunity to get creative and explore.
Best sex positions for handcuff sex
Now, let's talk about the best sex positions or handcuff sex. These are completely beginner-friendly and can be a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom:
Missionary
Missionary is the most popular and loved sex position for a good reason. The full-body-on-body contact, romantic eye gazing, and kissing are all hard to beat!
What's also amazing about the Missionary, is that it is a super convenient position for handcuff sex. The bottom partner lays down on their back, with their hands above their head. Secure their hands with the handcuffs or other form of restraint to the headboard. Then, the top partner gets on top of the bottom partner, and voila!
Queening
If you and your partner enjoy oral sex and specifically face sitting, then definitely consider the queening sex position while in cuffs. It is a sex position that can be very empowering, and when you add restraint to the mix, it only gets better.
The bottom partner lays down on their back, with their hands above their head. Secure their hands with handcuffs to the headboard. Then, the top partner can straddle the bottom partner's face. If the top partner is with a vulva, you can either kneel or squat, whichever is more comfortable and allows for the best stimulation.
If the top partner is with a penis, be mindful of angles and the intensity of thrusts. You might want to play around with different variations to find one that is comfortable for the bottom partner, and that they are able to freely breathe.
Doggy Style
Another classic, well-loved sex position is Doggy. Add an extra level of passion to this popular and sexy sex position with handcuffs and a vibe for clitoral stimulation.
The bottom partner gets on all fours with their hands handcuffed. Another way to go about this position is to have the bottom partner’s hands handcuffed to the headboard while they are on all fours. See in which variation you feel sexiest.
The top partner penetrates the bottom partner from behind. This position allows you to incorporate some spanking and hair-pulling if you both are into it. And, to make it even sexier, the top partner can hold a clit vibe like Bloomi’s Massage against the bottom partner’s clitoris for extra stimulation.
Ankle Grabber
This sex position might require a little bit more flexibility from the bottom partner, but it can be super sexy. The bottom partner lays down on their stomach and bends their legs at the knees. Then, they get ahold of their ankles behind their back, and the top partner can secure their hands behind their ankles.
Then, the top partner penetrates the bottom partner from behind. This is a great position for vaginal and anal sex. If the bottom partner is with a vulva, then they can place a vibrating clitoral toy like Bloomi's Massage underneath them for extra clit stimulation.
Happy Feet
This handcuff sex position is a variation of a Happy Baby yoga pose that is very good for stretching your hips and legs. This one is perfect if you have two sets of handcuffs or other forms of restraints, and it offers a deep penetration angle.
The bottom partner lays down on their back, bends their legs at the knees, and lifts them up. Get ahold of the inside or outside of the feet, and keep the legs apart.
The top partner then restraints each of the bottom partner's hands to the ankle, which will prevent them from closing their legs. Then, the top partner gets on top, in between the bottom partner's legs.
How to use Bloomi’s Link silicone handcuffs
Common Restraint
The most beginner-friendly and most straightforward way to use Link. Unfold the handcuffs and place one hand into each loop. You can practice placing and removing them on your own if you want to get a better feel.
This is a perfect way to use handcuffs for those who want to dabble in restraint play, but are a little bit nervous about being tied to an object, like a headboard. You still get to be restrained but are free to move around and hold your hands wherever is more comfortable.
Wrap Around
When you are ready to take your restraint play to the next level, we recommend using the headboard or another object. Simply wrap Link around a bedrail or a similar surface (like the leg of a chair) and then place one hand into each loop.
One-Hand Tie
You don’t have to have both your hands handcuffed! If you prefer just one hand restrained, try this. Take one end of Link and wrap it around a bedrail or similar surface securing it firmly in place. Insert one hand through the loop.
The other hand is free to caress your partner, touch yourself, or even hold your favorite toy while you pleasure yourself. You don’t need a partner to explore restraint play, going solo can be fun too!
